9:00 A.M. This patient came to us complaining of chest pains and spells of uncontrollable flatulence. Normally, we would recommend an over-the-counter medication for this condition; however, as the patient had no evidence of a digestive system, a different course of action was indicated. We were really curious.

9:05 A.M. The patient has been prepped for the procedure with a colorful solution consisting of red dye and corn syrup. We feel that this contributes to the mood of the occasion, particularly when operating without anesthesia. As you can see, we planned several cut lines. Our first impulse was to separate him along the odd natural seam which followed the contour of his torso. However that lacked drama, so we assessed our other options, including the infamous "Cereal Box" incision. We finally settled for this attractive and functional pattern.

10:20 A.M. The screaming only lasted a few minutes. Once we finally got rid of the door-to-door Jehovah's Witnesses, we were able to get back and re-apply the pretty red solution before reviving the patient for a brief moment.

11:00 A.M. Separating the chest wall from the torso proved more difficult than imagined. Although we did consider using a hammer, a screwdriver seemed like a more practical choice. By this time, there was no need to impress the patient with our colorful solution, so we stopped applying it.

11:05 A.M. We successfully separate the chest wall and expose the body cavity. The cause of the patient's unpleasant symptoms is immediately obvious: A large rabid Jonad has insinuated itself into the cavity and is exerting pressure on the Bulb of Flatulencia.

11:15 A.M. The Jonad is excised and disposed of, all the while kicking and screaming. It's customary to inspect the rest of the body cavity for hidden jewels and messages from enslaved factory workers, but none were to be found.

1 week later: Our procedure was successful, and recovery time was swift. The patient chose not to have his chest wall re-installed, "because the chicks really dig it!", he says.